The Peanut Blog

I guess it's no wonder that Peanut is already making his media debut, given the fact his mom is in public relations and his grandfather is an ad guy from way back. Still, even by our standards, his prenatal editorial coverage is pretty impressive. Thanks to my Dad and his weekly column in his hometown newspaper for this funny look into baby naming (and, seriously, is there a child out there named Tu Morrow?). We hope Peanut's antics will inspire many funny columns in the future.

“Peanut” is sounding better all the time

My daughter is expecting her first baby in October and still hasn’t given it a name. So far, the boy’s handle is “Peanut.” At least that's what the baby’s blog says. Seems that the initial ultrasound of the fetus resembled a peanut. At least that’s what my daughter and her husband thought. A peanut didn’t come to mind when I checked out the ultrasound, just the fact that my daughter must have too much time on her hands. Back when she was born we had no clue about gender and names. All I had to be concerned about was handing out “It’s a Boy,” or “It’s a Girl” cigars. We named our daughter Allison and I’m not really sure why. But I’m thinking it had something to do with one of the characters on “Peyton Place.”

Anyhow, based on the blog update this morning, “Peanut” seems to be getting along just fine. Hopefully, his parents will be coming up with a real name soon and the “Peanut” name will become just a shell of its former self. After all, a boy named “Peanut” would be worse than “A boy named Sue.”

“Peanut,” though, is better than what the Hollywood nuts are naming their offspring. For starters, don’t ever name your child Chastity Sun, as Sonny and Cher did. Because, at last report, Chastity Sun was having surgery to become a, uh…man. Surely she’ll change her, (I mean his) name to something more appropriate, like “Peanut.”

Other bizarre Hollywood baby names include: “Tu,” daughter of Rob Morrow. So…she’s now stuck with Tu Morrow! (And I thought I was clever). Then there is “Jermajesty,” son of Jermaine Jackson. (“Peanut” is sounding better all the time).

I don’t know what Frank Zappa and the mother(s) of his children was (were) smoking when he (they) came up with these names: Moon Unit, Dweezil, Diva, Thin Muffin and Ahmet Emuukha Radan. And not to be outdone by Jermaine Jackson, rapper Son of T.I. named his son Messiah Ya’ majesty. (Funny, when I think of Messiah I never think of the son of, uh, Son of T.I.).

Evidently “Rosemary’s Baby” did a number on Mia Farrow. Why else would she name her little girl “Lark Song.”

Maybe Sylvester Stallone can blame too many blows to the head in “Rocky” movies for naming his little girl Sage Moonblood.

Evidently Robert Downey, Jr. was going through one of his tough times when he named his son Indio Falconer.

Emma Thompson, obviously wanting to add a little spice to her life, named her daughter Thyme. And The Naked Chef, Jamie Oliver, could barely help himself when he named his kids Poppy Honey and Daisy Boo. (By the way, my pregnant daughter has a cat named “Boo” who truly hates the ground I walk on. So PLEASE don’t name your baby Boo. One Boo in the family is one Boo too many). With a name like John Cougar Mellencamp does it surprise you that his children’s names are Spec Wildhorse, Hud and Teddy Jo?

Gwyneth Paltrow’s baby must have been the apple of her eye. But did she have to name her little girl Apple?

Your name is something you’re stuck with all your life. And parents should think through all the possible ramifications of their choice. Think about it. If William Jefferson Clinton had been given a different name he wouldn’t have become known as “Slick Willie.”

And what about “Wilt the Stilt,” "Jack the Ripper,” and “Elvis the Pelvis.”

Don’t forget Richard Nixon, either. If he had been given a different name he wouldn’t have become known as “Tricky Dick.” And then, there’s, uh…Dick Trickle!

Lord, Peanut is sounding better all the time.